As recovering addicts, we fear the loss of control we experienced in our darkest days. This step is accompanied by the terrible realization that we have no control over the response of the people we have harmed. We will likely have wonderful experiences and very difficult ones.
Tips to Cope With Watching a Loved One Die
Try not to respond with anger or defensiveness if others aren’t responsive to your efforts. They have been hurt by your actions, and they may not be willing to forgive and forget. They may have been hurt in ways that you were not able to identify when preparing to make amends. The FHE Health team is committed to providing accurate information that adheres to the highest standards of writing. This is part of our living amends ongoing commitment to ensure FHE Health is trusted as a leader in mental health and addiction care.
What Sober Living Communities Does Living Amends Work With?
Make sure that you are comfortable with your progress during recovery and that both you and the other person are ready to engage in the process. Some people will be easier than others to approach due to the relationship you have with them, how close you live to them, or other factors. In some situations, attempting to make amends may cause more harm than good. And in some cases, you may not be able to make direct amends at all. However, you can still take action in all of these situations to satisfy the spirit and the intent of what is Oxford House Step 9 and progress in your step work.
- In the midst of your ninth step, you say to him “I’m so sorry that I stole that money from you and used it for drugs”.
- Making these types of life improvements typically requires that you work with a counselor or therapist who can provide an outsider’s perspective and objective view of your life.
- They may have been hurt in ways that you were not able to identify when preparing to make amends.
- Taking the time to let the other person express how they were affected can promote a more effective healing process, as well as make things less ‘about us’ and more about the person affected.
Examples of a Direct Amend
This script is your guide, providing a framework for acknowledging specific wrongdoings, articulating the harm caused, and outlining possible reparations or actions. Remember, this is a Twelve Step process that can provide a platform for healing, but the person we are reaching out to may not be at the same place in healing as we are. We are only in control of our part—making and living the amends. As with alcohol and other drugs, we are also powerless over other people. We cannot control how others respond, whether they will forgive or whether they will hold on to negative feelings or resentments.
- We cannot control how others respond, whether they will forgive or whether they will hold on to negative feelings or resentments.
- For example, let’s say a mother didn’t make an effort to escort her children to the school bus stop.
- The Twelve Step recovery process incorporates making amends as a crucial element.
- Engagement in mutual-help groups like AA can provide crucial assistance, helping individuals stay grounded.
- A well-thought-out strategy and readiness can make the amends process more effective and meaningful.
- The first step to applying for the Living Amends scholarship is to visit the Apply page and fill out the first month’s application.
- Turns out, I was a bossy control freak who was terrified of everything.
- They affirm your decision to make lifelong changes, which has a positive effect on both you and everyone around you.
- However, this future possibility should not keep you from working your steps.
- With an understanding of the significance of making amends and its guiding principles, we can proceed to craft a personalized script.
- Making amends does not undoing the wrongdoing, just as forgiveness doesn’t undo the wrongdoing.
- We’ve written about how common guilt is in grief (you wouldn’t believe how many people get the “coulda woulda shouldas”).
Instead, as you pursue a life in recovery, focus on being generous with your time and giving back to others. In this way, you can take the focus off of yourself and choose to live a life of greater meaning. At Living Amends, we strive to ensure that each recipient of our scholarship can get the on-going support they need to stay sober. To learn more about our program or to apply for our scholarship, please contact our team members today. If you don’t see the sober living facility you want to attend listed https://ecosoberhouse.com/ above, we welcome you to contact us online. The first step to applying for the Living Amends scholarship is to visit the Apply page and fill out the first month’s application.